I have some great ideas for my paper, but my problem is putting it all together. I am still having some difficulties with my thesis statement. For this reason, I cannot focus on the main topic. However, I think that once I have my thesis, it will help me grasp more ideas and details into my paper. I found most of my significant parts, but they need to be organized within my paper.
I also need to make better use of my sources within my paper because I am not explaining them very well. For instance I say, "In the second episode of “Lonely Hearts”, Angel is confronted with a situation where a chain of killings involve people who are single. " This paragraph was too general and short. I barely explained the episode and it seems confusing if the reader has not seen the second episode of Angel.
My transitions can also be better from paragraph to paragraph. Some sentences seem to be personal opinions and the goal is to avoid that. For example I write, " I analyze that Angel looks strong and aggressive on the outside." This is clearly what I think and most of my sentences are using this personal pronoun. I will definitely improve this mistake on the final paper.
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When you are analyzing, I think if you take out the part that says "I analyze" and just leave it at "Angel looks strong and aggressive on the outside" it changes it from a personal opinion to more of a fact. Most people probably havent seen the episode you're talking about so they would see it as a fact and not an opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you find connections in the different ideas it can help you make a really good thesis statement. If you find what makes the different ideas similar, than you can prove why they are all important. I definetely agree with you that having one will give you better direction.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are on a good track and don't have too big of issues. The thesis statement one needs to be addressed as soon as possible because it prohibits you from going forward but it doesn't seem like too hard of a fix.
ReplyDeleteTransitions are essential in a paper. Tying in prior paragraphs might make your paper flow better as well as using transitions such as: additionally, furthermore, etc.
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree with you I'm finding it difficult to make my thesis becasue I keep thinking about a bunch ideas that aren't really my main topic. However, as soon as you get your thesis it will be easier to stay on your main topic.
ReplyDeleteI would almost expand on the sentence to something like, "Even though Angel looks strong and aggressive on the outside he is filled inner turmoil and confusion on the inside." I don't know if that's where your paper is going but it sounded like it was headed in that direction.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you know exactly what you need to do. I think the thesis statement is going to be a problem for a lot of people. I would just try going at is head on, write down a bunch of possible thesis statements, you might end up editing one and using it, or even combining a few that you wrote down.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a thesis statement, try to think of something that you DO want to focus on. Make it something you can relate several compelling topics to to make your arugment strong.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful to keep the integrity of your paper when you edit away the personal pronouns. I had a simliar problem, and it became sort of difficult to edit evrything without changing the voice of the paper. I think you're on the right track though; it sounds like you're good at analyzing and improving your work.
ReplyDeleteMaybe one way to try to find a good thesis statement is to try to work backwards. Think of the main point of each of your paragraph and what you're trying to say oeverall and formulate your thesis from the facts.
ReplyDeleteI do have the same problem!!My original thesis is "Vampire is the incarnition of loneliness -- the resistance of minority. However, I can not handle these two together. Though i think I think there are connenction between them. It's not easy to demenstrate well when I have my paper.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry about your thesis to combine everything. Just put it together how ever you want and the thesis statment will present itself.
ReplyDeleteTransitions are a big problem for me too. I keep using personal pronouns, as well. I'm trying to refrain from using the typical first, also, and finally that I used all through high school. It's really difficult to just write what I think when all the other junk is on my mind.
ReplyDeleteI think that dealing with your transitions, revising, rereading, and editing will make all the difference. I think by reading it through a few times, you will be able to make it flow better.
ReplyDeleteThesis's are always hard to get just right. You might just need to keep trying and changing the order of sentences and words in it. Sorry I couldn't help more, but good luck!
ReplyDeleteIn the last sentence you posted that you were having problems with, I would definately try to remove the first person tense. For example you could explain what exactly about Angel makes him appear strong and agressive on the outside; this would provide evidence to your claim. Instead of saying "I analyze," you could try "this evidence demonstrates Angel's strong and agressive qualities to the audience."
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